Let’s talk about self-sabotage

self sabotage 2Have you ever thought it was a really great idea to start cleaning out all the closets in your house?  How about doing it 3 days before a huge deadline at work?  Or what about having an extra glass of wine (or 2) the night before a presentation?  If you haven’t, tell me your secrets, but I’m willing to bet that most of us have.  It sucks, but it’s a thing.  Self-sabotage.

There is a ton of research out there about self-sabotage, and why we do it.  Gay Hendricks wrote an excellent book about it called The Big Leap.  I won’t get into the specifics, but it’s a great read – check it out (not an affiliate link, FYI).  Basically, self-sabotage stems from deep-rooted fear, and he’s a sneaky fellow because he sometimes comes dressed as good intentions.

The ways we manifest instances of self-sabotage in our lives are huge testaments to our power.  Sickness, car trouble, brilliant ideas, new relationships, you name it.  It’s effortless manifestation.  Just imagine if we used that same power to manifest our desires, rather than keeping us stuck.  But that’s the human in us, always doing its best to keep us safe and comfy, even when safe and comfy looks like a missed deadline, an overdrawn checking account, or a raging hangover.  Sounds counter-intuitive, right?  It is, and it’s why self-sabotage is so brutal.

Case in point, the first issue of Mystic Rebel Arts Magazine was slated to be released two days ago (a Monday).   Please trust me what I say that this was a big deal for us.  Well, it didn’t happen, so we pushed it back a day (to Tuesday).  Let me tell you why, in hindsight, this was a brilliant form of self-sabotage, on my part.  (Sorry, Lola, I didn’t try to do it on purpose! 🙈)

Here is what my calendar looked like for Tuesday: Work, 6AM – 10AM.  Husband dentist, 8AM.  Parent-Teacher conference, 10:05AM – 10:30AM.  It doesn’t look like much, but let me continue.  Unscheduled events for Tuesday: Woke up with hangover (what?!).  Son’s eyes were red, which means no school and a trip to the doctor (what?!).  I HAD to finish a huge wholesale jewelry order that was already 4 days late in shipping.

I’d known I already had a booked morning, then these other things popped up which, through a bigger wrench in my day.  Because now, the final edits of the magazine HAD to be completed, too.  😳

Luckily, I’d already called out of work at my part-time job because of the parent-teacher conference, so, after dropping my daughter at school, my son and I came home (because I thought he had pink eye), and we took a nap.  Upon waking, I sent my husband to the parent-teacher conference alone, so I could take my son to the doctor.

Turns out that the parent-teacher conference wasn’t until next week, and my son had allergy eyes, not pink eye (meaning he could’ve gone to school.)

I must’ve had a lot of fear surrounding this magazine release, because I sure did create a whole lotta unnecessary drama to keep me from being able to work on it.  I’d written the parent-teacher conference down wrong on the calendar; I’d manifested a contagious eye condition for my son (so I thought); and I felt like a big bag of crap because I’d manifested a hangover!

BUT, even through all the crappola , we did it!

In truly epic fashion, we got it done.  If you haven’t subscribed yet, you can do that here.  It’s free.

I may have had to nurse a splitting headache for 14 hours, with a toddler on the boob, watching the same Paw Patrol episode over and over again, endlessly fetching snacks, typing with one hand.  My space bar decided to only work 1/4 of the time, and my computer died TWICE.  But we did it!  Despite me trying like hell to sabotage our efforts, we did it!

That’s the beauty of deciding.  I wasn’t willing to NOT get it done, despite everything.  And now, I’m going to go journal on why this magazine triggered so much fear in me, and then heal that shiz.

Much love and blessed be, Jenny