You know what’s funny? Not funny haha, more like funny interesting. Ever since I kinda accidentally fell onto this spiritual path about 2 years ago, I’ve spent so much time and so much energy trying to “find my truth.” Trying to “be authentic.” Trying to show up to the world with a spirit of service so that I could figure out what the hell my soul’s purpose is on this planet, in this life, so I could start doing it already!
I always thought that once I figured it out, everything would suddenly become crystal clear. The clouds would part, and God would give me an atta girl and a fist bump. I’d be on my way to changing the world, and I’d know exactly what to do. All of that is fine and good, except it is all based on the idea that I had to go find it out there somewhere, first.
And yall, I thought that everything I was doing was wrong. I always thought I was missing something. I constantly thought about how I could show up differently, more authentically, more ME. How could I show the world who the real Jenny really is?! It almost became an obsession. The searching, the seeking, the yearning for something…else. But what I could not see, right there in front of me, literally staring me in the face every day, was that I was already the ME that I’m meant to be.
It seems so simple, right? Like, duh, Jenny, why’d it take you 2 years to figure that out? The only answer I have for that is…it just did. It was all a part of my journey, I guess. And I’m super grateful for all of it because it helped me get to where I am today, which is exactly where I need to be.
So this begs another question: Why the heck did I think I had to change everything, in the first place? Why did I feel like who I was and what I did wasn’t who I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to be doing? Even writing that sounds…sad. Why could I not see it?
A lot of it boils down to worthiness. But most of all, I sincerely believe that I had so much healing to do. Healing from this life, my past lives, all of my ancestors from all of my lives, and from all of their lives, in all timelines. That’s a lot of healing, yo. But that’s also a lot of trauma that I was carrying in my dna. Anyway, more on that later, back to me, right now, in this life… I had so much healing to do that I was unable to acknowledge how divinely perfect in all ways I already was. That I really am.
In one ear, I kept hearing from the books, the experts, the gurus, the social media influencers, from everyone and their cousin, that I should want more, be more, share more, do the things that needed to be done, so that I could inspire others to also want more, be more, share more, and do the things that needed to be done, so they, too, could inspire others to……
Well shit. No pressure, there.
So I set forth on a mission to do more, be more, share more, and do all the things, but I hadn’t the foggiest idea who, what, where, when, why, or how. All I knew was that I had to do something differently because that’s what they were telling me I had to do.
Thus begins the journey of my healing…
To be continued…