Everything I desire so deeply in life is already mine, I just couldn’t see it through the drunk goggles.

Recently, I made the conscious decision to stop drinking. Here’s why:

  1. I was easily putting away a bottle and half of wine every night. EVERY NIGHT. And it was the cheap shit on the bottom shelf at the grocery store because that’s an expensive habit.
  2. I wasn’t parenting well (obvi). I wasn’t reading with my daughter or helping her with her homework, and she was falling behind in school.
  3. I was steadily gaining weight.
  4. It was the number one thing on my to do list every day.
  5. I was setting a horrible example for my children.
  6. My husband and I fought a lot. About dumb shit. The same dumb shit over and over again.
  7. I could never find anything. Nothing was ever where it should’ve been because I put it away somewhere random the night before.
  8. I didn’t put the kids in after school activities because I would rather go home and open a bottle of wine
  9. I felt like shit 95% of the time but I didn’t know it because it was how I always felt.
  10. I drank to escape. Everything.
  11. I justified all of it by telling myself I still got up and got shit done, so it was all good.

This isn’t a list of things that make me a bad person. This is a list of things that I get the chance to change.

I don’t fault myself for any of it. As humans, we cling to the familiar. We have a way of fantasizing and distorting things in a way that makes us feel safe.

Drinking wasn’t the scary thing. NOT drinking was.

And that’s how shit gets normalized. A bunch of people are too scared to change, so everyone turns a blind eye.

That stops with me.

I’m meant to do big things in this world.

I’m doing this for me. Everything I desire so deeply in life is already mine, I just couldn’t see it through the drunk goggles.